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EPISODE 5: TRANSFORMATION — A Path Anyone Can Walk After a Traumatic Event

Neither Mac, Wade, nor Tim was familiar with the ideas involved in transforming your life after a traumatic event. Each of them experienced it firsthand, and that experience did not come from a book, a video, or a class; each was guided down this path by another human being. Based on personal experience, each believes that anyone can do what they’ve done.

Episode 5 walks you through the steps it takes to transform your life. Here are the topics discussed.

  • EXECUTIVE SUMMARY: The Idea of Transformation
  • A Practical Path that Leads to Wisdom and Transformation
  • Personal Stories of Transformation
  • Writings about “Suffering” in History; in the Bible and in Philosophy
  • Philosophical Perspectives on Life’s Struggle
  • Victor Frankl’s Impact on Giving Meaning to our Suffering
  • Building a Foundation for Change
  • The Joy of Helping Others
  • The Path of Responsibility and Transformation

CLICK ON THE IMAGE TO WATCH THE YOUTUBE VIDEO

“I’M TALKING ABOUT CHANGING YOUR LIFE IN WEEKS AND MONTHS” — Transforming your life after trauma

Sound crazy? It’s not. Here is the concept: 1. Teach people the truth about trauma — you don’t get over it, you learn to coexist with it. 2. Teach them the daily life skills necessary to do life when it gets hard. 3. Teach them to become better versions of themselves… physically, emotionally, financially, and mentally. 4. Teach them that “self-discipline is self-love.” The more disciplined they are in the way they live their lives, the better their lives will be… across the board. 5. Show them how to use what they’ve learned to help others, which allows anyone who does this to find meaning in their suffering. These are the basic ideas at the center of how anyone can transform their life… and that process does not take years to comprehend, implement, or see results. If we can do it, so can you.

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EPISODE 4: After a Traumatic Event, Isolating Oneself is Overwhelmingly Common — Isolation Can Kill You

“Nobody can understand what I’ve been through…” is a sentence often spoken by people who have gone through a traumatic event. Most seek help and find that help “…didn’t do much for me.” Their conclusion: “Nobody’s coming to my pity party, I need to suck it up, keep my feelings to myself, and live my life.”

When you add to that experience the hurtful things well-intentioned people say (“Time heals all wounds,” etc), isolation becomes a safe place. The problem is, in our traumatic ignorance, we don’t understand that isolation opens a door that leads to terrible outcomes — ISOLATION CAN KILL YOU.

In this video, you will hear three very different people — Mac, Wade Cates, and Tim Lynch — describe how it made perfect sense to isolate themselves after traumatic events; that isolation was the path each of them followed intuitively, because “nobody was coming to my pity party.”

Each of these three people has transformed their lives; if they can do that, so can you.

KEY IDEAS

  • Isolation is what most people do in the aftermath of a traumatic event. They don’t go there intentionally; they go there out of ignorance (just don’t understand) and not wanting to let others know how deeply they are struggling… so they hide. It’s a very natural/intuitive response.
  • Feelings of guilt or failure often drive isolation.
  • Numbing with alcohol makes everything, including isolation, worse.
  • We don’t understand therapy and therapists, again, our ignorance. They are long-term project managers who struggle to help people seeking short-term or immediate assistance, so we often quit.
  • Transformation is counter-intuitive, but a completely learnable skill.
  • The transforming of a life begins with ending isolation.

CLICK ON IMAGE TO WATCH THE YOUTUBE VIDEO

EPISODE 3: Doing Death Better

Memorial Day made me think of how, over the years, I have gotten better at “Doing Death.” That skill is not one I am proud of or enjoy discussing, but that discussion is an important one. Like dealing with trauma, dealing with death is a skill you can learn… and in Episode 3, Wade, Tim and I discuss three general topics: (1) General Thoughts on Doing Death; (2) Wade’s Commemorative Event for Juan, One Year after his suicide; and (3) What Do You Say When You Get to the Front of the Line at a Funeral?

Here is a more specific list of what we cover in Episode 3:

  •  Introduction
  •  The Fear of Never Living
  •  The Circle of Life
  •  Death and “The Serenity Prayer”
  •  Teaching Young People How to Do Death
  •  Not the Circle of Life
  •  Life’s Not Fair
  •  The Only Thing You Actually Control in Life is Your Reaction to Events
  •  The Difficult Task of Accepting Life’s Randomness
  •  Life’s Difficult Moments are Teaching Opportunities
  •  Keeping People Alive in Your Life
  •  Learning to Celebrate Someone’s Life Is Not a Natural Thing
  •  Wade’s Idea to Gather His Family & Friends to Commemorate Juan’s Death
  •  Memorials in Your Home Bring Both Joy & Sadness
  •  Joy & Pain are Part of Every Memorial
  •  Sweet & Sour Chicken for the Rest of Your Life!
  •  “I Can’t Have Him Here”
  •  What Do You Say When You Get to the Front of the Line?
  •  Tim: “Mac’s Not a Hugging Person!”
  •  Somebody’s Gotta Teach You These Things
  •  Don’t Try to Explain Anything… Hug Them

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Shame & guilt often accompany suicide & sexual violence… Not talking about those issues makes them worse

Suicide and sexual violence are almost always accompanied by feelings of shame and guilt. Because these feelings are so deeply personal, we lock them deep inside a place we rarely visit… a place others are never allowed to enter.

In that isolated space, we often convince ourselves that these events were our fault and that we could have prevented them, thereby increasing the terrible guilt and shame we live with.

Wade’s twenty-year-old son killed himself in his bedroom, in Wade’s home, with Wade’s shotgun. Wade understands that if he’s to live a great life, he has to talk about Juan’s suicide and all the feelings that go with it.

If you know someone who is struggling in isolation, send them the link to this short video and open a door to a conversation that could be life-changing.

CLICK ON THE IMAGE TO WATCH THE YOUTUBE VIDEO

EPISODE 2, Q&A: “Has anybody ever told you they ‘HAVE gotten over it’?” And other questions & comments about Episode 2

Here is a sample of the feedback we received from viewers and the topics we’ll discuss:

  •  Have any of you ever had someone push back hard on that?
  •  Have you ever had anybody say that they “got over it”?
  •  So, the Benevolent Trojan Horse is the truth? And that’s what becomes the warm blanket?
  •  I’d like to hear more about addressing this with children.
  •  Mac, how long did it take you to come to understand the four points you make relative to “You don’t get over it”?
  •  Tim mention wanting to see Viktor Frankl as a therapist, is there one thing you take away from his teachings more than anything else?
  •  For Tim & Wade… do you agree with Mac that you can change your life in weeks and months?
  •  Be gentle… I almost fell off my chair. Are you sure you guys were Marines?
  •  Being an informed consumer, I like that idea. Thank you for helping me…
  •  COMMENT FOR EVERYBODY: “Is this hard for you to do?”
  •  COMMENT FOR WADE:  “I’ve heard you talk about holding your son’s ashes, and also him shooting himself in his bedroom… is this a form of ‘therapy’ for you?”

EPISODE 2: The Post-Traumatic Wisdom That Transformed My Life: “You Don’t Get Over It”

Of all the things I’ve ever learned, this is the single thing that had the greatest impact on my life. As I rounded out the thought, it has four elements:

  • You don’t “get over” the traumatic events of your life, ever.
  • Struggling in the aftermath of trauma is 1000% normal, there is nothing wrong with you.
  • Learning how to do that struggle is a learnable skill; I’ve seen so many people do it… and if they can do it, so can you.
  • Finally, and maybe most important, trauma is not a death sentence… YOU CAN STILL LIVE A GREAT LIFE.

Tim Lynch and Wade Cates join me for a discussion about these ideas… it’s a wonderful discussion. If you’re struggling in the aftermath of a traumatic event, watch it. If you know someone who is struggling, tag them in the comment section of this video… there’s a good chance that you could open a door to changing their life.

CLICK ON THE IMAGE TO WATCH THE YOUTUBE VIDEO read more…

Memo to Leaders: Go there slowly

I’ve been involved in the world of “mental fitness” for the past ten years. I’d like to share with leaders some very basic data: Active Duty Endstrength vs Active Duty Suicide, from 1999-2023. I had to create the Active Duty Suicide slide because the data is never presented like this.

Conclusions:

  • There is as much art as science in the treatment of “mental health issues,” but we don’t know that.
  • The people you lead overwhelmingly do not suffer from Serious Mental Illness, lots have had their asses kicked by life though… and they enlist looking to transform their lives.
  • YOUR leaders and their leadership count… it takes one connection to stop a suicide, one.
  • “Hopium” doesn’t work… every single leader knows that. The truth works because it’s strong, it’s unbendable, and it makes them wiser and stronger.
  • Teach them the truth… that trauma is a normal part of life; that we don’t ever “get over” those events – ever; that struggling is normal – there is nothing “wrong” with them when they struggle; that learning what to do when they struggle is a learnable skill; and most important of all… they can still live a great life.

There is no reason the US Military cannot WIN the fight in the Valley of the Shadow of Death and set an example for the Nation to follow.

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This Journey From Trauma to Joy Is Not Intuitive… and Humans, By Default, Want Easy

Life after trauma is not easy. This path from trauma to joy is not easy.  As humans, we don’t default to behaving nobly… in fact, we default to easy, convenient, and comfortable… which can lead to awful consequences. We all need to understand that NONE OF THIS IS INTUITIVE… it is all learned, and it’s a very learnable skill… You can do that… I promise.

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EPISODE 1, Q&A: Suicide Trendlines + We discuss your emails & comments about Episode 1

Here is a sample of the feedback topics we received and discuss in this episode:• The frustration of being the most screwed-up person in the room
• Suicide trendlines in the US and the US military
• Making sense of data that is seemingly presented to obscure the truth
• “Hopium”
• The importance of “The Truth” as you find your way
• “These things you guys are talking about ARE basic life skills”
• Unhelpful faith-based comments and the anguish they cause
• Human beings are naturally unstable creatures
• Nothing about walking this path is intuitive!

These are great conversations!

CLICK ON THE IMAGE TO WATCH THE YOUTUBE VIDEO

If you have a question you’d like us to discuss, email the show at

Onward.
Mac

EPISODE 1: Yes, There Actually Is a Path From Trauma to Joy… and You Can Walk It

In Episode 1 of The FROM TRAUMA TO JOY Podcast, Mac, Tim Lynch, and Wade Cates will take you on a discussion of their experiences on the path From Trauma to Joy. Here are some of the topics covered in Episode 1 (CLICK ON THE IMAGE TO WATCH THE YOUTUBE VIDEO):
  • First impressions about the idea of going “From Trauma to Joy”
  • “The truth lands with a thud and needs no salesman”
  • The importance of “The Truth”
  • Wade: Holding my son’s ashes
  • Understand that traumatic experiences are a normal part of life
  • Living a great life after a traumatic event is a learnable life skill
  • Teaching children who experience trauma these skills
  • We don’t like to admit it, but traumatic experiences make us more fragile people
We hope that by dragging these discussions into the town square, you or someone you know can transform their life. We’ve seen so many people walk this path, and as you’ll hear during the podcast… “If they can do it, so can you.”

If you have a question you’d like us to discuss, email the show at

Onward.
Mac

The Mensa Brothers: So… now what?

Retired Marine Infantry Officers Col William Costantini, Major Tim Lynch, and host Mike McNamara discuss the latest developments related to the war in Iran.

TODAY’S TOPICS:

1. The IRGC is not your basic military organization; it has HUGE business interests… It’s not going to go quietly.

2. Thoughts on the “extension of the ceasefire” and what seems to be the struggle inside Iran between IRGC leaders and political leaders.

3. What’s next?

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The Mensa Brothers: Thoughts on the Peace Talks, The Pope, The Blockade, and what’s next?

Retired Marine Infantry Officers Col Will Costantini, Major Tim Lynch, and host Mike McNamara discuss the latest developments related to the war in Iran.

TODAY’S TOPICS:

  • Thoughts on the US-Iran “peace talks” that took place over the weekend in Pakistan
  • Thoughts on the Pope and his comments
  • Thoughts on blockading the Strait of Hormuz
  • What comes next?

CLICK ON THE IMAGE TO WATCH THE YOUTUBE VIDEO

The Mensa Brothers: Thoughts on the “Ceasefire” with Iran

Retired Marine Infantry Officers Col Will Costantini, Major Tim Lynch, and host Mike McNamara discuss the latest developments related to the war in Iran.

TODAY’S TOPICS:

  • Were you surprised that the Iranians agreed to a ceasefire? 
  • Do you think that the ceasefire will lead to something permanent?

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The Mensa Brothers: The F-15 rescue… when does a “Tactical” event become “Strategic” & What will the deadline bring?

Three retired Marine Infantry Officers… Col Will Costantini, Major Tim Lynch, and host Mike McNamara discuss the war in Iran.

Today’s topics:

  • The rescue of the F-15E Weapons Officer — details still emerging from his evasion of Iranian civilians, military, and militia units, and the amazing operation that rescued him — we’ll talk about it.
  • When does a “tactical” event become a “strategic” event? —  Is this event one of those cases?
  • The President as his own “Information Operation —  POTUS spends 15-20 minutes with Fox News reporter Trey Yingst… who does that?
  • The President’s deadline to Iranian negotiators is approaching; if you were a betting man, what do you think will happen?

CLICK ON THE IMAGE TO WATCH THE YOUTUBE VIDEO

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